Money helps build and beautifies many homes, but it can also be a vermin that destroys the solid root of many flourishing families. Yet, married men and women get fascinated to it seeking it day and night because of its potential at resolving major challenges in human affairs.
Even though many people believe love is the most important ingredient that seasons marriages, nowadays money rivals love neck to neck for vantage position or displacement.
What then should be the role of money in marriage? Should couples pool resources together for the advancement of their homes? What should be the criteria in starting a joint venture? Senior Reporter, Anthonia Soyingbe sought the views of some married people on this and related issues and they bared their minds interestingly on how money is key in marriage.
Deola and Wale (not real names) met after their secondary school education in Lagos and within three months, they became lovers. During their courtship, these lovers were fond of each other and were literally inseparable like siamese twins.
Since it was evident that they loved themselves mutually and seemed meant for each other, 10 years after their first meeting, they tied the nuptial knot.
Through the inexplicable hand of fate, this couple’s workplace was the same federal ministry.
Immediately, after their wedding, the couple decided to keep a joint account as advised by the preacher on their wedding day, who counselled them to act as one and to do things mutually because whatever God has joined together, no man put asunder. However, trouble first reared its ugly head in their relationship when Deola was posted to another ministry, where she earned more salary than husband. Wale, it seemed, could not understand why his wife should earn more than him. He did everything within his power to get Deola out of her new and rewarding duty post. Since they were both members of their offices’ co-operative society, an opportunity came for them to buy plots of land though at different locations; this they did with ease.
Years later, Wale suggested to Deola to sell her land at Mosan, Ipaja Area, in Lagos, so that the proceeds from it could be used to develop his plot located at Ikorodu, also in Lagos State. Deola consented to the arrangement without giving it another thought. Wale took the proceeds from his wife sold land, withdrew all that they had saved in the bank and went ahead to develop his land, but made sure his name alone reflected in the land’s receipt of purchase, building plan, survey and certificate of occupancy although the whole family moved into the house.
Years later, Wale married another wife into their home, but when Deola kicked against it, he told her that she should pack out because he (Wale) owned the house. This is true because no document of the land had her name. Deola started a life of depression from then on.
Maybe Seyi Taiwo is
more experienced in the school of life than Deola. Married since 2008, she said she would not operate a joint account with her husband, but she can keep a joint account with him. “We don’t operate a joint bank account, but if the situation warrants it, I can keep a joint account with him. I know his account balance and he knows mine. He knows my ATM pass code and I know his. We trust ourselves and he is very prudent; we can operate the account for the advancement of ourhome.”
In the mould of Seyi is Lizzy Soetan. Married since 1975, Lizzy argued that she can’t jointly build a house with her husband. Although her husband, she told Daily Independent, is her backbone, but “he has his own personal house built in his name while I also have mine.” When asked why did they make the decision to have different projects even though they are romantically united, she replied: “We have seen cases after the woman passes on to glory, the man marries another woman and thereafter the woman claims that she built the house with her spouse. In as much as I advise couples to do things together, I don’t think it is wise for any woman to jointly build a house with her husband.
“At this age and time, where we have seen lots of instances, I think it is stupidity and lack of basic understanding that will make any woman to be blindfolded by love. It is not even too good to jointly own an account with one’s husband”, she said.
However Labake Fowode thinks differenly. She said there shouldn’t be much difference in finances because married couples are meant to jointly own whatever they have.
“There shouldn’t be much difference, but each person should keep his or her separate account. We have cases where men divert all the funds. We can jointly build a house but that means that we are doing it for our children.” This woman, who has enjoyed marital bliss for more than three decades, added that women should think wisely before combining resources with their spouses because their mismanagement could break homes.
Lending her pastoral voice to the topic, Funmi Johnson, of Capstone Church, advised couples to be financially ‘naked’ because that eliminates any form of doubt in their financial dealings.
“A woman has to understand the dynamics of money and have knowledge of finance management. Money management has to do with trust and if you are married, it is the greatest form of commitment and highest level of trust, so money should not divide the union,” she said.
In understanding individual differences in marriage, Johnson encourages couples to understand that there are individual differences in marriage and couples should understand their differences in money management.
Citing an example from her 22-year-old marriage, she said she is a little bit prudent than her husband and they both understand the differences. She noted that some women see money as security for the future while men believe that they should spend whatever they have.
However, Johnson added: “the problem most couples have on money management is that they don’t sit down to map out strategy and planning – very important things in marriage. Women are good money managers and women are concerned about survival while men are pushed by their ego.” She approves husband-wife joint accounts inasmuch as they both understand the importance of finance in marriage.
Speaking further on importance of money, she said couples should have a budget to avoid lavish spending.
On the masculine side, Femi Adeniji, who has been married since 2002, averred that women are good money managers because they can always save for the rainy day.
On his part, he confessed that he displays his pay slip on the table, so that the whole family can know his worth.
“Nobody comes to ask me what is beyond my income because they know what I earn. I am not too prudent, so I divide my salary into two and give my wife one part, which she saves from, feeds the family and does other things with it.
“It is amazing how she has been able to do this but I know she is very prudent when it has to do with money.”
He agreed that women are good managers who could be entrusted with money.
Marriage is the union of a man and a woman to become husband and wife or one spiritual being for the smooth running of the home and for peace. Matrimony counsellors at different forums advise couples to pool resources together to enjoy marriage and not endure it.
However how real this can be at this age when partners betray each other is yet to be understood.
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