‘Children are a gift from the Lord, they are reward from Him.’ This biblical quotation must have been joyfully read by the parents of Gbemisola Ibidun Bajomo before her birth and revised rapturously by them at her christening. In showing appreciation for the safe arrival of God’s bundle of joy in their family, they pledged to put her education on the front burner. The comely lass then, now an unassuming school head and a mother, spoke with Reporter Anthonia Soyingbe last week on Nigerian women and why many of them are finding it tough at their home fronts and businesses.
In describing whom a woman is, Bajomo says she is a being biologically different from a man. As a mother she is another person because she has organs which enable her carry fruit in her womb for nine months, procreate or produce children who are supposed to be brought up in the way of the Lord. “But her major responsibility is to develop the child socially by inculcating the values of the society in him so that he doesn’t grow up to be a delinquent in the future,” she says. Unfortunately many mothers pass warped values to their children, fail to meet their needs or properly keep their homes to allow peace to grow therein.
But Bajomo believes man should be the political head of home, therefore she opposes the choice of most women nowadays for single life that provides freedom and independence. Her aversion to the trend stems from her belief that it affronts God’s principle which makes a woman man’s helpmate. “A woman that wants to live alone is going to offend God. God says that a man and a woman should live together for the purpose of procreation and companionship, but because many women nowadays are financially independent of men or abundantly blessed, they feel there is no the need to be under the authority of a man,” she stated. “Even in homes where the woman singularly brings up children, they will be prone to indiscipline, except God helps her. There is no respect for a woman who is alone because men would treat her like any other free woman in the street,” the Bible class teacher adds.
Taking Sunday Independent like an historian to the lives of women in the rural settings in the olden days, Bajomo avers that even though they are described as house wives, they were not idlers or layabouts but bundle of industry and physical exertion creatively processing farm produce brought home by their husbands into consumable or saleable goods. To her the idea of career woman is a product women enlightenment and advancement in education which enable them to specialise in various areas – teaching, law, nursing, piloting, engineering etc. Even though many women have held their own successfully in many profession, it is disheartening the minus a few score in their homesteads because they find it difficult to cope with the heavy load of child bearing, birthing and caring. “Many even find it difficult to overcome obstacles in working full time because of faulty plans or planlessness,” the school administrator said she has noted.
“Child rearing,” Bajomo says, “is irksome, laborious and demanding. Any career woman that is still productive needs help, cooperation and understanding of her employer, because nowadays not every mother enjoys the assistance of her mothers- or sisters-in-law making her to patronise house helps many of whom are dangerous; or day care centres, many of which have been found to be unreliable.”
Most importantly she opines that a husband must understand the peculiarities of his wife’s career and that her job is as important to her as his is to him.
But making her sincere advice as a mother interested in peace and developments in homes of members of gender association, she says: “Women should think deeply about how a career will affect their home life or love their husbands have for them.” She recalls that after her university education her friend and her sought employment in the media, but were discouraged by their mothers, because career in journalism is too demanding resulting in poor commitment of practitioners to their homes. Bajomo also identifies transfer on job as another cause of unstable homes but “If husbands and wives are disciplined, love and understand one another, they may surmount problems associated with this,” she reasons.
The Nigerian society, Bajomo, who is also a member of Young Women Christian Association, thinks is too male-oriented but not male-dominated because women are now in increasing numbers in scientific and technological fields, sports, military, religion, politics, business. In many of these areas, women are carving out successful career today. “In some professional bodies, we have women at the top while many organisations’ chief executives are women. Women at different levels rub shoulders with men,” she argues feeling triumphant. “The only exception is politics which has a large presence of desperate men or men that have do-or-die mentality, not ready give women a breathing space or accept that there is nothing a woman cannot try her best possible to better,” she highlights. She blames Nigerian society’s aversion to woman participation in politics, but thinks a re-orientation can remove the developed egocentric virus ravaging many men’s reasoning faculty. “Even in offices where positions are reached by promotion, we have more women there, but in appointive and elective positions, women are either robbed or marginalised,” Bajomo complains sadly.
Still speaking about macho consciousness or macho bravado, she states that when a female is the boss, most men because of envy, bitterness or inferiority complex fail to accord her honour she deserves buttressing their action with the illogicality that they control a woman older or like her in their homes. “When they come with such sentiment you start thinking whether it is a crime for a woman to exercise authority over a man who is her subordinate,” she laments.
Although women are free to vie for leadership positions within a party or contest election, Bajomo though apolitical, suggests that every woman ambitious to be a professional politician must “make sure her home is in order and her children are well-educated, employed or independent.” The mind developer says feminine presence in Nigeria’s political plain is still scanty, but those who are there now must be allowed to play the game peacefully. “We want more women to be there, but we condemn unhealthy rivalry, or politics played on the altar of their family’s strong existence,” she notes.
However she blames the failure of most women politician to poverty, lack of strategic planning, poor organisation and pride. “Politics is not about stagecraft, rhetoric, dance, drama or fashion. It is identifying an opportunity and using it optimally to your advantage, renewing old friendship, making new friends and falling in love even with your enemies,” she said.
She thumbs up some non-governmental organisations, the mass media and the National Youth Service Corps for initiating programmes to sensitise women on reproductive health and creating awareness about HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy and family planning. “Though most of the programmes are urban-areas based, I am delighted that they took the programmes to Ogun State schools. I only pity large population of our rural women who have no means of accessing information on this vital subject,” she says dryly.
But memory of her youth and her doting parents returned some sparkles to her modestly powdered face. With a deep grin and joy, she took Sunday Independent into the chapter of her memoir devoted to them: “My father was an education officer while my mother was a nurse. They were so enamoured of me that the two wanted me to toe their professional lines, but my father influenced my admission to a teachers’ college, encouraged me to pursue admission to Ogun State College of Education and advised me to pursue a degree in French Education at the University of Ilorin. Even when my father noticed a guy was getting attracted to me after I had bagged my National Certificate of Education, he asked me gently: ‘Won’t you like to go to the university, get your degree before you get married?’ I promised I would. On my graduation, he felt more fulfilled and my wedding which came later was to him like the icing on the cake.” But she confesses, “My father was in the mould of shrewd Britons: strict, disciplined and meticulous. He never spared the rod or treated us with kid gloves. He’s our home spiritual leader and music director, who expected everybody to sing the tune he played on the organ.”
Married more than two decades ago, le professeur (the teacher in French) understands that immaturity robs many women marital bliss and the wisdom to face the challenges in marriage. She expatiates: “Maturity is a thing of the mind because marriage as an institution is not free from problems. It therefore demands that married couple should develop ‘shock absorbers’ to reduce the effect of occasional pains therein.” But other roadblocks on the marital highway are “financial incapacitation, tightfisted couples, infidelity, bad companies and third-party meddlesomeness.
Bajomo has a homely formula for resolving conflict in marriage. “When it happens, there is no need to be reactive instead allow the spirit of reconciliation to take control by understanding the problem first, have a peaceful meeting on it, the person at fault accepts blame and he tenders an apology. Saying ‘I am sorry’ does not dent your pride and dignity it rather makes the flame of love to glow stronger.
The le professeur extraordinaire, a moniker affixed on her when she became the chairperson of All Nigeria Confederation of Principals of Secondary School, Ado-Odo-Ota Chapter, Ogun State, recommends French be made a compulsory subject in Nigerian schools as English is a compulsory subject in Francophone schools.
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